PJ's Ponderings

How I See It... (Aug. 12)

2011-08-13T00:19:00.000-04:00

How I See It... (Aug. 12)

The believer has two sources from which to live: the Spirit or the flesh. Choosing to walk in the empowerment of the Spirit will result in a demonstrations of Jesus' life flowing through you. Choosing to walk after the flesh will result in a demonstration of all the unpleasant ways you have pursued a false sense of life apart from God. You can't refuse to choose, it's either one or the other. Choose Empowerment!

How I See It.... (Aug. 11)

2011-08-13T00:18:00.005-04:00

How I See It.... (Aug. 11)

Fear is an emotional reaction we feel when we do not know what might happen and anticipate an outcome that will bring hurt into our lives. When we let fear control our thoughts we fail to trust that there is One who sovereignly works all things in our lives together for good. But when we hold up our anxious thoughts against the promise of His continual presence and eternal life, our fears give way to peace.

How I See It....(Aug. 10)

2011-08-13T00:18:00.002-04:00

How I See It....(Aug. 10)

The idea that we can control people & circumstances to secure a sense of well being for ourselves is a lie as old as time. By holding on to this notion, we place our faith in ourselves & assume responsibility for the outcomes. In so doing we miss out on the very experience of life for which we're searching. However, when we relinquish our death grip on the fears & expectations that drive us to control & place them into the care of God, then we're finally free to live.

How I See It… (Aug. 9)

2011-08-13T00:17:00.002-04:00

How I See It… (Aug. 9)

It is critical for a wounded soul to rediscover his will. For the will is integrally connected to faith. While the blessings of God are given by grace, they are received & experienced as we place our faith in what God has said and done. If we believe that we can't choose & have no power to decide or trust, we will be paralyzed as victims of our circumstances. God has given us a spirit of power. We have what we need to believe, to trust, to choose!

How I See It.... (Aug. 8)

2011-08-08T21:26:00.000-04:00

How I See It.... (Aug. 8)
We who are in Christ are new creations. Because of His great love God sent Jesus to become sin through crucifixion, so that by grace, through faith we who were enemies of God might become His righteousness in Christ. That's radical transformation! That's grace! And it changes everything! Our great challenge is believing that God has made us righteous in Christ- living righteously will flow out of that believing.

How I See It..... (Aug. 6)

2011-08-06T13:05:00.002-04:00

How I See It..... (Aug. 6)

The world, our flesh & the devil oppose our walk in reliance upon the Spirit. So perseverance is essential in the Christian's life, but our perseverance must be at the level of our trusting, believing & relying on the resources of God for victory rather than our own. It is His adequacy, righteousness & life that we depend upon. Yes, we persevere in saying "no" to ungodliness, but we must first be diligent in saying "yes" to the fullness of God's Spirit as our source.

How I See it.... (Aug. 5)

2011-08-05T09:14:00.002-04:00

How I See it.... (Aug. 5)

God (who is love) does not change. He is just, and He must judge & punish sin. Because of His great love for guilty ones, He satisfied his own just demands in Christ, & by grace He has offered the free gift of forgiveness & redemption to anyone who reaches to Him in repentance & faith. Jesus bore the judgement for my sin, & offered me His eternal life.

How I See It.... (Aug 4)

2011-08-05T02:01:00.000-04:00

How I See It.... (Aug 4)
Everything that is true about love is true about God for God is love. He is patient and kind. God does not envy or boast, and He isn't proud. He does not dishonor and He isn't self-seeking. God is not easily angered, and He keeps no record of wrongs. He despises evil & rejoices in truth. God never ever fails.

How I See It….(August 3)

2011-08-05T01:21:00.005-04:00

How I See It….(August 3)

Freedom is not as much about having victory over being tempted by a particular sin as it is learning the truth about what Jesus has done regarding my sin. It has been paid for. He has set me free from bondage to it. I don't have to live as a slave of it. I am empowered by the righteous Spirit of Jesus to live in freedom if I choose. I am only one choice away from walking in the freedom Jesus died to give me.

How I See It..... (August 2)

2011-08-05T01:21:00.002-04:00

How I See It….(August 2)

Biblically speaking, death is separation from God, & life is relationship with God. Jesus came to give us life to the full (Jn. 10:10), By His death, He made it possible for us to have a full & meaningful relationship with God. What a tragedy that this simple message has been misfigured into complex religious systems that often leave people longing for life rather than overflowing with it.

How I See It..... (August 1)

2011-08-05T01:20:00.005-04:00

How I See It….(August 1)

I believe that we were created to live dependent upon God: not people, not wealth, not status, not governments. These are only tools in the hand of God. Sometimes it is only when we realize that they cannot be relied upon that we finally take hold of God as Living Water, Bread of Life and the Vine through which everything we need flows.

How I See It..... (July 31)

2011-08-05T01:20:00.002-04:00

How I see it..... (July 31)

Many of us use prayer, obedience, giving, even positive thinking to secure certain blessings from God. In so doing, we're showing that we believe we can control God. This false belief is similar to the serpent's lie, "you can be like God." Pray passionately, obey without hesitation, give generously & think truthful thoughts, but do so in love for God, not to secure the blessing of God.

How I See It..... (July 30)

2011-08-05T01:19:00.006-04:00

How I see it.... (July 30)

We can't live the Christian life. It isn't just difficult it's impossible. Only one person can live the Christian life, & that's Christ himself. We can't produce Christlikeness apart from the empowerment & inspiration of Jesus who indwells us. On the other hand, consider all that can be accomplished through us if we're living fully surrendered to the One who indwells us!

How I See It..... (July 29)

2011-08-05T01:19:00.003-04:00

How I see it.... (July 29)

The death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ make up the climax and center of Scripture. As we read everything leading up to it, we read of how God is setting the stage to fulfill all things in Christ. In that which follows, we can see the outworking of that redemptive work through the New Covenant in those who believe.

How I See It..... (July 28)

2011-08-05T01:19:00.000-04:00

How I see it.... (July 28)

God has given to us divinely powerful weapons to deal with the thoughts, ideas & speculations that are hurled in our direction. We have the power to take those thoughts captive & bring them into submission to the will & way of God. While these thoughts are relentless, God's power is equally continuous & much greater than the power of any enemy we face. Your victory is sure, walk in it!

How I See It..... (July 27)

2011-08-05T01:18:00.003-04:00

How I see it.... (July 27)

God's has not asked me to try to be like Jesus so much as He has invited me to trust that Jesus is now alive in me to live His own life through me. All of my attempts to duplicate the life of Jesus are doomed to failure unless I'm restfully yielding my will to His and allowing His Spirit to guide and empower me. So, we get to choose: Trying OR Trusting? Running OR Resting?

How I See It..... (July 26)

2011-08-05T01:18:00.000-04:00

How I see it.... (July 26)

An environment that measures performance against a standard & encourages the keeping up of appearances will produce shame & striving. Each failure to meet the expectations of others will push us further into hiddenness. Maturity & healing happen best in an environment that values authenticity & generously accepts people wherever they are in their journey.

How I See It..... (July 25)

2011-08-05T01:16:00.000-04:00

How I see it.... (July 25)

God knows who we are, what we've done & what we will yet do. Still, in love He offers us the gift of His Son. Each who believes is transformed from sinner to saint, from darkness to light, from enemy to friend, from death to life. As we grow in trust & understanding of what God has done for us, we will see the emergence of new desires, priorities, and behaviors- that's maturity.

How I See It..... (July 24)

2011-08-05T01:14:00.002-04:00

How I see it.... (July 24)

The law of Christ is love- love God, love others- this is true. But all our loving, no matter how consistent and purely motivated, cannot take away our problem of sin. Only a perfect sacrifice can satisfy the just demand for righteousness, and God Himself has graciously given this to us in Christ. Love? Yes, but do so as an outworking of His grace, not to become worthy of it.

How I See It..... (July 23)

2011-08-05T01:13:00.002-04:00

How I see it... (July 23)

As a believer in Jesus, my proximity to God is multi-dimensional. I am "in Him" & He is "in me" (Jn. 14:20-21). The Bible says I WAS in Christ when He died & rose again & now I AM "seated with Christ in heavenly places". All of this is true whether I'm lying on my bed, driving my car or sitting at my desk. It's not a future promise; it's a present reality, & I can rest in the security of it today!

How I See It..... (July 22)

2011-08-05T01:12:00.000-04:00

How I see it.... (July 22)

For the believer in Jesus, physical death is the God-appointed moment when our outer man gives way to earthy circumstances ending it's temporal existence to enter the presence of Jesus for eternity. The great hope of the Christian Gospel is an everlasting union with God that begins at the moment we believe & never ends! We don't have to wait to begin enjoying the benefits of our everlasting LIFE!

How I See It..... (July 21)

2011-08-05T01:11:00.000-04:00

How I see it.... (July 21)

Because my new heart longs to honor God, my greatest hope for NOT walking after my flesh is choosing to walk in the Spirit. Focussing on my sin will only lead to more of the same, but when I'm living right in the middle of all that God says is true about me and the Spirit of God is empowering me, I'll naturally fulfill my heart's deep longing to glorify God!

How I See It..... (July 19)

2011-08-05T01:10:00.000-04:00

How I see it.... (July 19)

To be "in Christ" means that my life has been joined together with His- I died with Him, I was buried and rose from death with Him. In Him I live and move and have my being. As I choose to believe and live in these realities, He lives freely through me, revealing His glory and bearing fruit that is Spiritual.

How I See It..... (July 18)

2011-08-05T01:09:00.000-04:00

How I see it.... (July 18)

Sin is best dealt with by a process called redemption- my attempts to manage my sin are tantamount to saying that I don't need a Savior. Sin cannot be dealt with by works- it must be dealt with by grace. Repentance of sin involves me changing my mind toward it- seeing it as God sees it- forgiven, forgotten and inconsistent with my new identity in Christ. "Christ in me, the hope of glory"

How I See It..... (July 17)

2011-08-05T01:08:00.000-04:00

How I see it.... (July 17)

Grace is the free gift of God's favor lavished upon those created in His image without condition or expectation. Because of grace prodigals can become heirs, sinners can become saints, and those bound to sin and evil can become the righteousness of God in Christ.

Unhealthy Sources of Identity

2008-10-23T23:11:00.001-04:00

Unfortunately, I often define myself, not only by my past sins, but also by my past wounds and successes. Sometimes the failures of my past shape my identity and I see myself as a pervert, a narcissist, a liar, a Pharisee or a gossip. The enemy loves it when I drag my failures forward, and he’s all too willing to add his two cents to the discussion. He’s also happy when I look at my successes to define myself. He is a major proponent of the “I am what I do and how well I do it” philosophy. Allow a success or two- even in the area of victory over sin- to happen, and it’s not long before I’m seeing myself as an excellent counselor, a gifted singer, an anointed preacher or a clever IT guy. All or none of these things may be true, but they NEVER define me! What I do is NOT who I am! When my wounds, hurts and losses rise up to become a theme in my thinking, I can fall into the pattern of believing that I am defined by them- I am a victim. I am detestable to others. I’m not a real man. Blah, blah, blah! Again, I am not defined by the wounds of my past! They are a historical fact, but they don’t say a thing about who I am!

To find my identity, you have to look at whose I am. I belong to God. He is my creator and my Father. I am His precious son. I have been brought out of death into life, out of darkness into light. He has given me the righteousness of Jesus. He has “removed” my sins from me and has raised me to walk in newness of LIFE. This is the supreme reality of my life and the source of my identity.

I must continually remind myself where Identity comes from and what Papa says of me. The key to believing this truth is hearing it from Him over and over again. As I know and love Him, I become more and more convinced of His love. He shapes my will, aligning it with His own and empowers me with the very life of Jesus to do that will!

Getting what I didn't get as a child.

2008-10-23T15:20:00.003-04:00

I have come to believe that God is “re-parenting” me! By that, I mean that He is becoming everything to me that my father was unable to be. He provides for me in perfect ways what my mother was imperfect in providing. This happens as I live in personal relationship with God. Knowing Him as Papa, I bring my hurts, fears and feelings of inadequacy to Him, and He speaks to them with truth- teaching me what I don’t know or helping me walk out what He’s already taught. It is imperative that intimacy and relationship become my supreme ideals- more than victory or maturity. In an economy of grace, victory must be secondary to intimacy. Progress outside of relationship is usually the result of law, and it’s only temporary.

Not only does this happen in the context of relationship with God, but God also provides me with mama’s and papa’s with skin on- people who speak His truth to me. They love me unconditionally (in His strength) and I learn to live loved. They delight in me, and I feel valued. They care for by providing wise counsel and instruction, and I grow like boy learns from his mom and dad.

In these ways, He is "Father to the fatherless" to me.

Thanks, Papa!

Godly Sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:9-10)

2008-10-20T22:40:00.003-04:00

Godly sorrow is a profound awareness of the loss experienced when you live out of your own resources apart from the Vine. It is regret for a wasted opportunity to experience God’s best. I don’t believe that it produces shame or condemnation, but a sort of grief. Godly sorrow doesn’t paralyze or polarize us. Rather it moves us toward our longing to live consistent with the truth and draws us back into intimacy and dependence upon Christ. Godly sorrow doesn’t feel like unforgiveness, more like disconnection. It awakens the wanderer to independence and self-reliance and guides to brokenness and surrender.

When my soul has grown cold, indifferent and disoriented because I have yielded more to my flesh than His Spirit, I experience a quickening in my spirit. It feels like a dissonant chord sounds when two or three unrelated notes are played simultaneously. It’s a sense of not belonging. “Hey, John, something’s not right here. You and this sin don’t go together.” The foreign feeling is an indicator that catches my attention. Upon realizing that I have wandered, I see the ways I’ve given time, effort and energy to my flesh. Godly sorrow is the deep sense of sadness I feel for what I’ve done that compels me to turn in God’s direction. If I’m wise in that moment, I cry out to the Father and choose LIFE- aligning my will with His. “Lord, draw me from my wandering and independence back into complete dependence upon you!”

On Overcoming and Victory

2008-10-20T22:15:00.002-04:00

I believe that my only hope for overcoming the areas where I still struggle is to really connect with and believe the truth of my identity “in Christ”. As I become convinced of who I am, I will learn to live from that core belief. As the Spirit leads, I will be sorrowful over the times I live contrary to my identity and repent by choosing to align my will with His. Christ in me will live through me to the extent that I surrender to Him. Living loved, I will bear fruit of righteousness, and my flesh will weaken as I walk in the Spirit.

Victory isn’t my goal. Relationship is. It’s important to me to keep this focus, because it pulls my focus off of sin and self on to relationship with the Father through the Son. I want HIM more than I want victory for me. If my struggle causes me to need Him and depend on Him, then I welcome the struggle- even if it isn't pleasant.

I am free to stop focusing on “victory” as my supreme goal because failure isn’t my supreme problem. The problem of “sins” was resolved in Christ at the cross. By faith I received Him and was placed into Him. By propitiation God’s righteous demands were satisfied, and I have been forgiven, cleansed and set free from the power of sin and death (1 John 4:10). I have been given victory, so I am free to pursue intimacy! This is LIFE! (John 10:10)

True Self / False Self

2008-10-16T10:57:00.001-04:00

My true self is what God says is true of me in the New Covenant. I have been crucified with Christ. I no longer live. I have been raised into newness of life. I am risen and free in Him. All of the guilt and shame of my old self has been dealt with in the death and burial of Jesus. Now I am raised up with Him to walk new, whole and free! My true self is not defined by the yearnings of my flesh, by the temptations that swirl around me, or by the dysfunctions in my biology. Sin can no longer be used against me because of the finished work of the cross. I am defined by what has become true of me in Christ. I am known. I was chosen. I am loved. I have been adopted as a son. I am a joint heir with Jesus. I have been made righteous. I am forgiven. I am free. I will live forever.

The false self is a fabrication of my flesh. I created it to cope with my shame. It’s the mask I wear and coping mechanisms I press into when I’m suffering form “Identity Alzheimer’s”. When the shame and self-hatred of sin convinces me that I’m lacking something, I pull out the false self and try to cover my pain or numb out from the pain. Personally, I become “Mr. Nice Guy”, a virtual fountain of compassion and help. I divert attention from my own pain by trying to help and fix other people. Perfectionism is also a manifestation of the false self. I hold myself to the impossible standard of doing it right, doing it well, doing it better than… Any flaw or failure becomes a tool with which I punish myself. I also have a victim suit in my false self closet. He is skillful at gaining pity before people have a chance to reject him. He must do that because it’s not possible that anyone could love him for who he really is (shamed, ugly, flawed). And so the cycle continues as long as I’m living as if Jesus didn’t die to set me free!

Thoughts on Suffering

2008-09-23T21:16:00.003-04:00

Romans 5:3-4

"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Suffering, perseverance, character and hope. It's hard to see the connection between suffering and hope, but there is one. In the difficult school of suffering we develop the valuable ability to persevere. Our endurance of suffering builds strength to withstand hardship. As we endure, we become strong- not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. This emotional and spiritual strength is character. We are aged, wizened and bettered by our endurance of suffering. It is from this wisdom that hope is born. Hope is being convinced of something better that lies ahead. It's the ability to see beyond the suffering to a time and place that is better.

For chronically or terminally ill people it is important to remember that our hope is not in the disappearance of suffering, but in the promise of eternity where suffering ends and freedom from pain is promised.

In this time of suffering that ends in death, we find ourselves acquainted with the sufferings of Jesus. Like the Lord we pray, "Father, let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless, not my will but yours be done." Our tears, like those of Jesus are precious to God, and while He does not always remove our pain, He always promises His presence.

In our time of weakness and suffering we find that God's strength becomes visible. In our brokenness we find the Light of God shining through. While we are enduring suffering, God is being glorified and His kingdom is being built. Our witness is one that proclaims the sustaining Grace of God in the face of suffering.

We must chose to embrace or reject this high calling. It is understandable that the suffering one resists and desires a different path, but hope is best found when the sufferer places himself into the hands of God believing that He is good and knows what is best. Now we are back to hope again- God's answer to suffering.

2008-09-10T08:26:00.002-04:00

Isaiah 46:4

[The Lord says,] “Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he,

I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you;

I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

I awoke this morning with a heart that is tender to the touch- sensitive and fragile. Upon further examination I discovered a few of the reasons for that. I'll not bore you with them all, but share just one. Yesterday I knelt next to an old gentleman I have come to love. He is usually spry and peppy, always greeting me with, "How are you young fellow?" But not today.

Today my friend was staring forward with his mouth open wide, grasping breath after breath as he lives out his final hours, catatonic from drugs given to keep him "comfortable." It was sad. Very hard to see my old friend in that shape.

Across town there's another old friend in much the same condition. It's only a matter of time before both are with the Lord, free of their aging bodies to see Christ and their loved ones for all eternity.

My prayers all day yesterday consisted of, "Lord be near and real to my friends." And, "Lord, be merciful to these dear brothers and saints." And then the Lord sends this verse to me this morning from the Prophet Isaiah. It speaks of the character of Papa God and it encourages my heavy heart. In it I find the reassurance that even in old age "I Am He" is there. He is Sustainer and the One who will carry us. He restates the point and says, "I will rescue you." I imagine a mighty warrior, coming into the deep waters to rescue and save.

Both of my friends, now elderly and weak were once warriors. They both served our nation and put themselves in harm's way to protect and defend their nation, their people. They served humbly and faithfully until their bodies were unable to serve further. Now, their Rescuer prepares Himself to come to their aide. To walk out into deep and draw them into the promise of eternity where they will know Life as I have never yet experienced it.

Thank you, Papa, for the promise of your presence to my friends in their old age. Thank you for showing me yourself as Rescuer and Sustainer this morning. Come quickly, Lord, and draw my brothers into Life Eternal where they will see and know you face to face!

Change

2008-09-05T15:50:00.002-04:00

CHANGE!

Like it or not, this word is a very real part of life.

Facebook users who've been toying with the web interface have recently been invited to try the NEW (improved?) Facebook. Most- and I include myself here - aren't thrilled about the notion of change. The new interface moves stuff around, adds stuff and takes stuff away. It's dusruptive! It wasn't broke- don't fix it! Situations like this remind me that it's human to prefer sameness.

We're resistent to change, aren't we? I'm reading this great book called "Who Stole My Church?" by Gordon McDonald. I just finished the chapters on the subject of change as it was faced by the Christian church since it's First Century infancy. McDonald site the early apostles and how they were forced to make way for the Gentiles-years of suppression and persecution that later ended with Constantine. He goes on to site the work of St. Patrick in Ireland, Martin Luther's leadership in Reforming the church, the printing press, John Wesley taking the Gospel to the people, the modern missionary movement, William Booth and D.L. Moody. Each contributing significantly to the ongoing existence of the church for the subsequent generation. Now super highways and automotive technology empower us to get from place to place in just minutes, and people have become mobile and selective. More modern technologies have take the church to the web, and many people are experiencing a level of fellowship and spiritual intimacy within the virtual realm. It's mind-boggling how rapidly things have changed in my lifetime.

One quote from McDonald's book that stuck in my throat is this- "If the rate of change outside an organization is greater than the rate of change inside…the end of that organization is in-site." What are the implications of this observation for the Church? Don't get me wrong, I am not discounting the power of God to keep His church alive and relevant, but I believe there is something to be learned here.

What do you think?

God of this City- Chris Tomlin

2008-09-05T15:39:00.003-04:00

Last night I was exposed to a Chris Tomlin song that I immediately loved. It's filled with hope and faith about what God is doing. I hope you'll take a few minutes to let the words, "There is no one like our God" to wash over you and rekindle your hope for what He's doing in our/your city.

“‘All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.’” Matthew 28:18-20

Walking in the Spirit- Keeping it Simple

2008-09-03T23:52:00.003-04:00

This is what the Lord says — your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:

'I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you,

who directs you in the way you should go.'

Isaiah 48:17 (NIV)

With a few minutes alone before my small group of guys arrived for our bi-monthly breakfast, I spent a few minutes alone, needing to hear from God. He spoke through the words of Isaiah. It began with a reminder of who He is- Lord, Redeemer, Holy One of Israel. The thought of who He is never ceases to amaze me! My thoughts take me far and wide- high and deep. He is unimaginable, indescribable- yet I am drawn to Him.

I see the prophet used the possessive pronoun "your", and the Lord begins to speak to me about who I am. One to whom the Holy One speaks? Redeemed one? Personal follower of the Lord God? YES! This speaks to me- not of spirituality achieved, by of an identity received by the grace of God.

So grace has made the way for me to gain from God what I could never attain on my own. Faith compelled me to received His gift of love, and I am won. My heart of stone is replaced with a tender heart of flesh, and a new Spirit is placed within me. What a gift! With it comes the promise of Divine guidance and direction.

First- He teaches me what is best for me. The indwelling Spirit transforms my priorities, my convictions, my passions. As I choose to operate by faith, practicing His presence, His values become mine, and He instructs my heart regarding what is best for me. It is personal and mysterious, but no less authentic, often palpable.

Second- He directs me in the way I should go. This morning I was really behind at work and desperately needed the day to get caught up, but for the second day in a row the Lord directed me in a way that was different than I'd planned. It was SO good to be where He directed me!

We talk of "walking by the Spirit" and it seems to imply that God overtakes our will and accomplishes His will and desire, but I suspect that it means something more akin to simply knowing who God is, who I am in Him, yielding my will and desire to His and follow His direction in the moment.

I'm not offering a doctrinal explanation of what the phrase means, but I wanted to share with you how it worked itself out in my experience today- over and over again.

Lord- give me grace to keep it simple. To know, love and follow You as you teach and direct me each day!

The Trap

2008-09-01T08:00:00.012-04:00

One of the most cleverly created and disguised traps that I contend with in my journey is the trap of self-obsession and self-pity. Dealing with a chronic illness multiplies the problem because your body seems to ALWAYS be screaming for attention. It detracts and distracts from my focus on God and serving others, and sometimes leads to bitterness and frustration. Fortunately, I'm surrounded by people who love me and know that I want something more. Even at my worst, I'm aware of a deep longing in me for God. Sometimes it shows up in anger toward God- something I've decided that He can handle.

Last night as I tried to pray myself to sleep, I simply had to tell God how hard it was to understand why He hasn't healed me instead of leaving me with the struggle. I told Him how unproductive and valueless I feel when my body isn't cooperating with my ministry and lifestyle. So as I counseled God on what He could do to improve as my parent until I fell asleep exhausted from my fight.

Job 40:1-2

The LORD said to Job:

"Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?

Let him who accuses God answer him!"

In chapters 38-39 of Job God shares His credentials for acting as Supreme Ruler and Authority with Job and then simply asks the question, "So, will you continue to rail me with complaints and suggestions in your bed of self-pity?" Like Job, in this moment I might reach deep within myself to try and find one final vestige of ire to continue my whining, but I am undone by the Almighty, at least for the moment.

At times I wish I could learn these lessons once and make the struggle end- this battle with self-obsession and self-pity, but I find that it's pretty much an ongoing thing. The thing I KNOW today after hearing from God will soon fade in my memory, and I'll find myself once again straining against His ways. Self-obsession will once again rise and lead me to exhaustion, and I pray for grace to all the sooner fall into His strength.

For the moment- though nothing has changed in my circumstance- I am am content to rest in knowing that He has brought me through the night and will again walk with me through this day. My new heart is beating and I am living loved and enlightened though humbled by my fragile faith.

A final thought- I struck by the awareness that my struggles- be they physical or spiritual- have driven me to brokenness, surrender and ultimately to intimacy. I'm not sure I have this all figured out, but it seems that the trap set to devour me has ultimately brought me back to God. A pattern emerges that I can't deny! It's all about relationship, not productivity. He wants ME far more than what I can do for Him.

At Home in Family of God

2008-08-30T08:37:00.006-04:00

Ephesians 2:19

"You are no longer foreigners and aliens,

but fellow citizens with God’s people

and members of God’s household."

You may know that we adopted our son, Brian, when he was only 2 months old. God led us to him at a Salvation Army orphanage where he had been surrendered by his birth mother who was single and much to young and poor to handle all of the struggles associated with single-parenting in a very conservative Muslim community. We were told that the girl's Christian grandmother had persuaded her not to pursue an abortion, so she delivered our son at William Booth Hospital and placed him into the care of workers at the orphanage until God brought us together. Amazing how God builds families, eh?

Brian was a natural born citizen of Indonesia. The name given to him was simply "Arnold" which was chosen because of his April birthday (go figure). We always imagine that the caregivers at the orphanage might have watched a subtitled Schwarzenegger film in the days preceding his birth, further inspiring the naming process. :)

The first time I saw "Arnold" he was 1 month old. He was swaddled tightly and laying in a small crib among a sea of cribs at the Sunrise orphanage in Surabaya, East Java. The moment I saw him, I knew that this little baby with a tiny body and big head was my son. A month later I brought Garvisa and Bobby back to pick up our son who we promptly named, Brian Shaffer Stroud- named for important men in my life- my brother and the young man who discipled me during the early days of my walk with Christ.

We went through a long and complex process to formalize Brian's adoption. There are stories of close calls, long prayer vigils, and miraculous provisions that led to our finally getting to the gates of the US Embassy in Jakarta where we were allowed to bring our son in and begin the naturalization process. I still remember the powerful emotions that overtook me as I saw the Stars and Stripes flying overhead through the trees. Sharing the story in so few words almost seems to minimize the challenges we faced to get to those gates. Even after our arrival in the US there was more waiting and applying and paying. But one day it finally happened- the son of our hearts- was finally welcomed into full citizenship of The United States of America. It was a great day of celebration. Brian's naturalization papers were given to him at a special ceremony during the Ringling Brothers Circus at the Armory in Washington DC. What an amazing memory!

He is now a member of my home, bearing my name, and a citizen of my country. He has all of the rights and freedoms of a US Citizen and nobody can lay claim to him again. When we return to Indonesia for visits, it is there where he is a guest and a alien.

This story has made Ephesians 2:19 especially dear to me. The words "no longer foreigners" are packed with meaning for me. Spiritually, we are born as orphans, separated from God because of sin. We are homeless aliens in this world, but when we become children of God we are given a new identity, full citizenship in His Kingdom and membership in His family. We become sons and daughters of God and joint heirs with Christ. We are united together as one family, part of something huge, powerful and eternal. We can now rest in all of the blessings of who we have become through the sacrificial work of the cross.

May we who have become "fellow citizens with God's people" enter into the precious experience of "at homeness" with Him and with one another. May we feast on the riches of His Kingdom and live with the certainty that we are His!

Chasing Chickens

2008-08-29T07:56:00.004-04:00

When I was kid growing up in Mississippi, we sometimes kept a few chickens around. However we never seemed very successful at keeping them couped up. The old rooster would get out, and it was unbelievable how hard it was to get him back.

Here lately, I've struggled with the ups and downs of my spiritual life. My sense of peace and connectedness to God feels fragile and fickle. It seems so real and alive one moment and then becomes like the ornery rooster who gets away and refuses to be caught and caged again. In my frustration I find myself spending the day fretting and chasing as if I could actually outwit him.

I think that what happens is that "peace" or the "feeling" of God's presence becomes my aim, and not God Himself. I conclude in my heart that good feelings (peace, joy, etc.) are when God is near and that the opposite is also true-unpleasant feelings (disappointment, weariness, anger, etc.) indicate the absence of God. It seems so true in the moment, but it is a subtle lie that keeps me missing the point and chasing chickens!

I live with the unpleasant reality chronic illness- not the terminal kind, but the interminable. My doctors are continually trying to find ways to minimize the discomfort of a never-ending infection in my sinuses. Right now they're trying a drug therapy that affects my feelings like you wouldn't believe. One minute I'm fine, and in a few hours I'm a mess. By the end of most days I feel as if I've failed at pretty much everything- mainly because I was unable to maintain the pleasant, positive, peaceful feeling with which I started my day.

I am quick to assume that God is far from me when fatigue keeps me from finishing important tasks, or that He is gone when I over-react to one situation or another. Without sounding too certain of God's mysterious ways, I've come to believe that God is often most near when He feels most elusive. Take a minute to re-read that sentences. You know, I might just learn to experience the reality of God's nearness more continually if I would allow truth to become my guide rather than emotions.

Isn't it true that the character of God is far more credible than our fickle emotions. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." So maybe today I should stop the chase. Maybe I should let the feelings come and go, and remember that my spiritual life is a relationship with a Person who has chosen to love me right where I am.

God give me grace not to measure your presence with me by the highs and lows of my emotional Richter scale. I repent of my deep desire for feelings and I choose to press into my deeper desire for YOU! Allow me to experience the perfect peace that comes from keeping my heart set on YOU. Protect me from false beliefs that cause me to spend my day unproductively chasing chickens and flogging myself for not keeping it all together. Help me walk in the reality of your presence even when I cannot feel you.

Doing the Work of God

2008-08-28T09:23:00.002-04:00

This morning my wanderings took me to John 6 to reflect on an interesting interchange between Jesus and some of His followers. In the verses preceding, Jesus feeds the 5000, walks on water and calms a killer storm. I'd say that was a pretty busy day!

There's this mob of people who have become like Jesus groupies. They want in on anything He's giving out. They're starting to see Him a bit like a genie, and they want to be nearby the next time He pulls a miracle out of the bottle.

But Jesus speaks into their lives by addressing their real hunger. He does it in a tricky way. He uses the word "work"- a word that easily gets the attention of law-driven people. If you want something good- do the work to get it.

Sometimes I catch myself working for God- I'm driven by a deep belief that if I do it right I'll surely be rightly situated to have my needs met. We teasingly spout the words, "God helps those who help themselves." And we secretly believe there's truth in it. So, I won't look down my nose at this eager mob, because given the chance to know exactly what work God requires to guarantee blessing, I'd probably be first in line to hear and capture the formula.

In verse 26, however, Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval."

Jesus' answer fails to give them the clearly lined out list of tasks they expected. The Rabbi's words are confusing. So, they skillfully ask a clarifying question.

"What must we do to do the works God requires?" Right now I'm loving the "do to do" part of this question! What must we do to do? But let's not allow my love of irony distract us. The gold is in Jesus' answer.

Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: To believe in the one he has sent."

There you have it! God in bodily form has now declared that the work of God that leads to the deep fulfillment of our hunger is not work at all- it's a trusting relationship with the person of Jesus.

The Rabbi goes on to say that it isn't Moses or the Law that will supply you with bread that satisfies, "For the bread of God is HE who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."
I'm not sure they totally understood, but their response is good, "Sir, from now on give us this bread."

Jesus- from now on- I want you. Before and above every second blessing, I want to feast on You. Free me from my doing to get and daily remind me that you are a feast continually set before me. My work is to simply believe and receive.

Perfect Peace

2008-08-27T07:51:00.004-04:00

Isaiah 26:3

"You will keep in perfect peace

him whose mind is steadfast,

because he trusts in you."

Yesterday I had a brief moment of levity that kept me chuckling for much of the day. My pal, Bob Perdue, gave me a list of songs to burn to a CD for the worship team, and I was typing them up when I came across the song, "Lord Reign Me In". I nearly wet myself laughing as I thought about the irony! :) Come to think of it now, the song title isn't so inappropriate for me on most days.

It starts like this.... I wake up in the morning a a caldroun of thoughts bubbling in my head about all that I have to accomplish. They all seem so urgent, and I'm often quite willing to be controlled and even terrorized by them. Peace is the LAST thing on my mind when my incomplete tasks and pressing deadlines are gurgling and popping before my very eyes. My flesh cries out for some way to get it all done so I'll be okay! And then the Spirit speaks. "So, you think you'll be okay if you get these things accomplished?" The rebuke is nearly wasted on me as I think, "Well, at least I'll feel a sense of accomplishment!" He gently speaks again, "So, accomplishment is what you need to be okay?" Ouch!

I'm reminded that I have decided that I want HIM above all second things. "No, Lord! I don't need to accomplish anything to be okay, I simply need you." I'm faced with this decision all day, every day! And I'm willing to say, "Lord, reign me in!" when I lose perspective and start believing the lie that I have to get it all done or do it all right, or make everyone happy to be okay!

Perfect peace is found when the supreme desire of my heart is Him alone. This is a choice, one that I requires the engagement of my mind, will and emotions. May you and I have the grace to make the choice in this moment, and the next, and...

Trusting,

John

One Body- Romans 12:4-5

2008-08-26T08:32:00.004-04:00

Romans 12:4-5
"Just as each of us has one body with many members,
and these members do not all have the same function,
so in Christ we who are many form one body,
and each member belongs to all the others."

"We who are many form one body." I am sometimes accused (most likely for good reason) of being a "mystic" when it comes to issues of my Christian spirituality. I'm not sure what that means, but I've heard it said of people like A.W. Tozer, so I'm not resentful of the association.

How can you not be mystified by teachings like this one by Paul where he says that we who are many (individuals) for one body (a collective whole) as we are united under the headship of Christ? I have learned that this is actually the way the Trinity relates- Father, Son and Spirit, each functioning as individuals in mutual love and submission to one another.

Troubles arise when we press too hard for our individualism and abandon our unity or yield too willingly without allowing our uniqueness to benefit the collective whole.

Mysteriously, we are to both yield and move, submit and stand, speak and silent ourselves in relationship with one another in dependence upon the Father. Pivotal to the whole Trinitarian relationship is living connected to and in relationship with God. So here is what matters above all else- not so much the management of our behaviors in terms of right and wrong, but the perpetual practice of the presence of God! Living in the knowledge of His presence, the reality of His love, and the certainty that He is good!

It is from this place that we are most able to function as ONE body under Christ!

You might like to read The River Within by Jeff Imbach for further study on the Trinitarian way.

One with you in Him,

John

A Fresh Start

2008-08-26T08:10:00.003-04:00

My wife has inspired me by her powerful sharing, and I've decided to post my devotional thoughts whether they are ever read or not. :) Starting now!

PJ

Angel Tree- Remembering Bobby at Christmas

2005-11-18T09:47:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends and Family,

Well 2005 is quickly coming to an end. I know that it has been quite some time since we have written to share what’s going on. I’ll try to keep it brief.

The Accident

Though Garvisa’s day in court has come and gone, we are still deeply grieved for the family of the man who died in the accident, especially his widow. We have had no direct contact with her, but we know something of what she has experienced this year. Please pray for her as she has her first Christmas without her husband since the accident.

Cari’s Departure

Another significant change in our life is that Cari’s time with us came to an end. Our guardianship was terminated, and she returned to live with her mom and dad in Mississippi. She was with us for four years. Now we have two empty bedrooms, and Brian faces the challenge of being the only child. Pray for Cari’s adjustment and for Brian’s. It’s tough on all of us.

Bobby Stroud Memorial Fund

You will be happy to know that $5000 was the final total given to the Bobby Stroud Memorial Fund. It was sent to World Venture, the mission that oversees the church in Bali that the money is helping. We will be visiting the church while we’re in Bali in July 2006. Our heart-felt thanks to everyone who contributed toward this memorial fund.

Bali Mission Trip

Speaking of the Bali trip- we will be in Bali from July 7-22, 2006. We are so excited to have this opportunity to reconnect with friends and ministry colleagues. It has been nearly 7 years since we returned to the United States. Please pray for this visit. We’re stepping out on faith as we don’t know exactly how it will all be paid for. If you would like to contribute toward the cost, you may send a check made out to Old Dominion Baptist Church to 10405 Schaeffer Lane Nokesville, VA 20181. Attach a note indicating that the gift is toward the Stroud’s Bali Mission Trip.

Health Update

As far as my health goes, the effort of Johns Hopkins have not resulted in any significant progress. Their treatments have provided only temporary reprieve. So far, however, I have been able to avoid additional surgical procedures or intravenous medications. Right now I’m in a difficult place as the infection has grown back and is producing terrible headaches. Doctors want to examine the function of my white blood cells. I have enough of them; they just don’t seem to work very well. Pray for relief from the headaches, please!

Angel Tree

The holidays are upon us, and as you might imagine, we face some really tough “firsts” in the days that lie ahead. We’ve battled the question of how we might handle the issue of Christmas decorations. It seems like a small thing, but it feels like a brooding storm of emotion. We have decided that we want to do something new this year, but we also want to remember Bobby as well. Since Bobby really liked angels, we came up with this idea- an angel tree. We’ll get a fresh-cut tree this year instead of dragging out the big artificial one that Bobby and I ritually pieced together every year. We’re going to decorate it with white lights, silvery white bows and angels.

As the idea developed we thought of other people who were feeling the loss of Bobby who might like to put an angel on our tree. We welcome you to do that if you would like to. If you’re nearby you can just give it to us. If you need to send it in the mail, send it to 7400 Stuart Circle Warrenton, VA 20187. We would treasure anything you sent to help us celebrate Bobby’s presence with the Lord this Christmas.

Balm of Gilead

Some very dear friends of ours have recognized our need to unplug and get some focused rest. They are sending us on a seven-day cruise. We will fly to Ft. Lauderdale on December 28^th and return on January 4^th. Our ship will dock in Key West, Belize City, Costa Maya and Cozumel. We feel overwhelmed by this wonderful gift, and all three of us are excited about the opportunity to go away together and create a new memory.

Old Dominion Construction Nears Completion

In less than 90 days ODBC will move into its new facility on Linton Hall Road. If you’d like to see pictures of the progress click here. We hope to be holding services in the new building by early March. We need prayer as we make this transition. We’d love to have you visit us in the new building if you’re able to do so. Keep an eye on www.opensoon.org to find updates regarding the opening of the new building.

House for Sale!

A final piece of news that you may find interesting is that we have decided to sell our current home in the spring. There are many reason why we’ve come to this conclusion. Pray that we will be able to sell the house and close it by June 30^th. We are still working through the question of where we will live. Pray that God will provide us with a low-maintenance home in close proximity to the new church.

I know this letter is jammed with lots of information. If you want to know more about anything, just drop us a line! You can write me at john.stroud@adelphia.net and Garvisa at garvisa.stroud@adelphia.net .

We appreciate your love and support,

John and Garvisa

PS- Feel free to share this with others who may not have gotten it but would be interested.

John K. Stroud

Pastor of Discipleship

Old Dominion Baptist Church

www.olddominionbaptist.org

Water for Hurricane Victims

2005-09-01T17:19:00.000-04:00

Dear Ones,

The hurricane in Mississippi, Louisiana and Alabama has all of us thinking about ways that we can help. There are many efforts coming together and you will have lots of opportunities to give. Please give wisely, generously and joyfully!

Because we have family and friends who have been directly affected by Katrina, my brother and I have been trying to think of ways that we could help to meet some of the immediate needs. Brian feels particularly burdened to fill his truck and trailer with clean drinking water and drive south to offer relief. Because the need is so great, he will most likely focus on helping people in the area surrounding our hometown of Laurel, MS. I spoke to a representative from the Mississippi Department of Transportation and he assured me that the need for drinking water is inexhaustible.

Brian is unable to completely fund this effort on his own. We would like to invite you to participate by making a contribution to the effort. He estimates that the cost of purchasing and carrying the water would be about $1500.00. If you would like to be involved, please respond to this email to let us know what you’d like to give. Brian is planning to leave as soon as he has the confidence that adequate funds have been pledged. His church is willing to receive your gifts and process the donations.

Your checks should be made payable to Warrenton Bible Fellowship and sent to the address below.

Warrenton Bible Fellowship

c/o Hurricane Relief (Stroud)

46 Winchester St

Warrenton, VA 21086

Please be in prayer for Brian as he takes this step of faith. Pray for his safety and for opportunities to demonstrate the love of Christ. Pray that he will not have problems getting through (the highway patrol has contemplated closing I-59, but probably only south of Hattiesburg). Continue to pray for the poor and the elderly who have been displaced from their homes. Ask God to use the generosity of His people to help meet the enormous need.

“And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward." Matthew 10:42

John K. Stroud

Pastor of Discipleship

Old Dominion Baptist Church

www.olddominionbaptist.org

My Child I Am With You- by Malcolm Smith

2005-08-24T07:38:00.001-04:00

"My child I am with you; I am not merely alongside you; I am with you and united to you at the core of your being. You will never call upon Me and find that I have left you. I am with you always and answer your faintest cry.

Though the darkness menace you, you are bound to Me forever. When you neither see nor hear or feel Me, know My child that I am with you and will never forsake you. I have set my love upon you from before time because of who I am; if I ceased to love you I would cease to be.

Do not let your heart be tormented with the fear that you will do something to cause Me to leave you or stand aloof treating you with indifference. You do not control My being with you by your behavior. You can neither summon Me nor dismiss Me by your works. I am free in My love and beyond manipulation by My children. My presence with you is not a deserved reward for your good behavior but is continually poured upon you out from the sheer delight of My love for you.

My child I am not merely alongside you; I am with you and united to you at the core of your being. You are bound to Me forever. Let My word be engraved upon your heart and rest."

by Malcolm Smith

No Confidence in Princes

2005-08-20T07:08:00.002-04:00

Good Morning,

It’s a foggy Saturday morning here in Northern Virginia, and I’m thankful for the chance to enjoy a bit of solitude before another busy day. While I certainly understand that the dark and cloudy days cause some folks a little disappointment, I find that they produce in me a desire to be alone- at least for a while. A true extravert like me can’t stand to be alone for too long no matter how perfect the weather is!

Many have asked me to give an update on the Johns Hopkins visit this past Thursday. Well, here goes. First, however, let me say that I’m compelled by scripture to remind us all where our hope comes from! Our hope is in the Lord! Amen? Take a second to read Romans 8:15-21 (The Message) “

¹⁵This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" ¹⁶God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. ¹⁷And we know we are going to get what's coming to us--an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him! ¹⁸That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. ¹⁹The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. ²⁰Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in ²¹until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.”

If my hope is totally, truthfully in the Lord , then I will be a lot less likely to put my reliance in people. God's word seems to teach that if we put our confidence anywhere besides in Him we'd be greatly atisfied and even hurt! In Psalm 118:8-9 we receive clear direction from the Lord-

8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. ⁹ It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes. So I’m warned….”Don’t take refuge in Johns Hopkins. Don’t rely on fancy doctors. Take refuge in Me alone!” Sound clear?

I went on Thursday full of hopes that this incredibly intelligent doctor would immediately recognize my symptoms and would take on the challenge of fixing the problem just to prove that she could. She ended up, however, speaking very cautiously and trying to do everything she could to talk about why cases like mine are so hard to resolve. She spoke about seeing people like me far too often lately, and not having much success. That was not a fun thing to hear!

She went on to talk about how she suspected that my problem was primarily fungal more than bacterial- despite the fact that all of my previous docs have ruled that out. She took her own cultures, so we'll see what happens. Apparently it’s hard to detect, requiring delicate, expensive equipment. She wants me off the antibiotic, but wants me to be ready to get back on it immediately if my symptoms worsen, so we then had to talk about my allergy to drugs. Now I’m consulting with a JHU allergy/immunology specialist who will guide me off the drug and back on as needed. My appointment to see him is set for August 29^th.

Because my doctor wants her own set of recent CT scans, she has asked me to be OFF my antibiotic for two weeks before she gets the pictures. This appointment is scheduled for September 13. Unfortunately, I am already infected, and I anticipate that stopping the antibiotic until September 13 will just give the infection time to grow, and take my health down in the process. Now that’s a “Catch 22”.

So while she’s chasing these things down, she has also taken lots of blood and ordered lots of tests to rule out certain “dread diseases”, none of which concern me too much, since they are mostly genetic, and I would be a genetic exception to the other 8 Stroud kids. Thank goodness for strong genes! I will be meeting with a Pulmonologist at JHU for the next several weeks to rule out certain conditions that typically manifest with “frequent, persistent, chronic pseudomonal infections of the upper respiratory system.” Pray that the test results would clearly rule this out and give docs a clear since of what to do next!

ON ANOTHER NOTE- we’ve also learned the hard way that you can’t trust the media to tell your story the way you tell it. Below is a link to the Fauquier Times Democrat article that was forged from an interview we gave the young reporter- Alexandra Bogdanovic. Sadly, the article twists our words, misallocates our words and paints a very different picture than we did. The reporter did attempt to dignify our attempts as parents to help Bobby, but she failed to paint an accurate picture of his story. His peers- those who really knew him- are unhappy about it, and his family isn’t thrilled.

http://www.timescommunity.com/site/tab2.cfm?newsid=15046685&BRD=2553&amp;amp;amp;PAG=461&dept_id=506066&rfi=6

While we know that we cannot “put confidence on reporters, nor for comfort on them depend”, we want to respond in an appropriate God-honoring way, so we’re constructing a Letter to the Editor and hope to submit it on time for inclusion in next weeks paper. Pray for us as we write it. We need God’s direction!

I noticed that Ms. Bogdanovic has invited her audience’s feedback via email- feel free to respond to her should you feel so led!

E-mail the reporter: abogdanovic@timespapers.com

Likewise- as always- I welcome your encouragement and exhortation alike.

Have a blessed Lord’s Day tomorrow as you worship and enjoy His presence.

Still trusting,

John Stroud

Oh the Comfort

2005-08-13T14:36:00.000-04:00

"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are -- chaff and grain together -- certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away."
-- Dinah Mulock

"I'll be a fool for you"

2005-08-13T08:21:00.000-04:00

Good Morning,

I have been wrestling with the idea of writing you to update you on a few things. My only hesitation is the obvious concern that my thoughts will be far to random to be of any value and that they will come off as a plea for additional sympathy. Then I had to ask myself the question…”Are you willing to be seen that way? To be misunderstood? To appear a bit weak and needy?” My flesh responds with a resounding “NO” while my Spirit quietly gives thanks for the grace that lets me be a “fool for Him” just as He is willing to appear foolish for me. Let me explain!

On Tuesday, before Bobby passed away, I was meeting with a guy for breakfast at the IHOP, and I arrived an hour early with hopes of having some one-on-one time with God. Traffic was uncharacteristically kind to me, so I had plenty of time. I took my seat and reached for the book I’d been reading by Larry Crabb called Connecting. I thought for sure that’s how God would speak to me. No- it wasn’t that- I had a hunger for more. He directed me to grab my Bible and drew me to Romans 1. That’s funny- I know that chapter pretty well, and I don’t think…Hang on! Look at everything Paul has to say to these guys! In the end, I re-wrote vv 1- 17 in my own paraphrase and I share it below (what I’m sharing was the basis for the sermon I gave at ODBC this past Sunday):

Dear Roman Brothers and sisters in Christ, this is Paul, the Lord's servant - one of the apostles chosen by God to spread the Gospel of Jesus; the very same Gospel that was spoken about in ancient scriptures written by the prophets that told us all about Jesus, the Messiah, who was a direct descendant of the Jewish king, David. More than that, Jesus was the very Son of God. And it was confirmed in the most amazing way when He rose from the dead by the power of the Holy Spirit. He is Jesus, the Christ OUR Lord. It was through Jesus that WE received access to God through grace and the job of sharing this good news with the whole world- including the Gentiles- and that glorifies the name of Jesus. Isn't it cool that YOU are both a recipient of His love and that YOU get to help us get the word out?

I'm writing this to all of those loved by God in Rome- those who have been declared Saints. I wish you grace and peace that comes directly from God's heart and from the Lord Jesus Himself. Let me begin by saying thanks to God for you guys! I'm so delighted that you know Jesus! People all around the world are talking about your incredible faith. Only God, who I love and serve from the bottom of my heart, can tell you just how much I talk about you I've prayed non-stop for you guys, begging God for the chance to come and see first-hand what He's doing among you.

I ache inside at the thought of having to wait another day before I can be there with you. I have so much I want to share with you so that you can become even stronger in your faith. I guess what I really mean to say is that I can't wait for us to encourage one another- face to face and faith to faith- each of us giving to the other. I've been so concerned that you might think I didn't want to come, but you have to know that I planned to be there already, but have been kept from it so far. Trust me, I'm really excited about being there with you to taste the sweet fruit of what Jesus is doing among the Gentiles.

I'm committed to all men- it doesn't matter if they are intellectual Greeks or uneducated barbarians. So believe me when I say that I'm dying to be there with you preaching the Gospel. Man I love the Gospel! I can't help but talk about the power of God to save everyone that believes in Jesus- and I'm convinced that it's not only for the Jews, but also for those who aren't Jewish. God is using the Gospel to uncover the His own righteousness. As you and I walk in faith together, the whole world sees the righteousness of God.

So, here I am sipping on my third cup of coffee, and it hits me. Paul was REALLY connected with these Roman believers! It was a biblical picture of everything I was learning in Dr. Crabb’s book! Paul DELIGHTED in them- his delight made him willing to speak words of value, concern, and genuine pleasure. It drew them in giving them something to hang on to. Questions flooded my mind—do I delight in anyone? Does anyone delight in me? Do I delight in Bobby? Even when his behavior is so contrary and conflict-causing? Well, how about God? Does He delight in me- even when my behavior is contrary and conflict-causing? I was speechless and tears filled my eyes threatening to break into dreams running down my face. What a foolish idea! Grace really doesn’t make sense!

It was about that time that the music being pumped into the IHOP caught my attention. Okay now- this gets really personal, but bear with me! The song that came on the air was the old “My Endless Love” by Lionel Ritchie. Out of all the songs that played before or sense this moment, only this one was for me. My thoughts didn’t run to my endless love for Garvisa or hers for me- it was as if God was saying- “Son, sit back and listen to what I want to sing over you. Just listen and receive!”

Expecting the experience to fall apart when lyrics take ridiculous twists and turns I waited and listened, but every word made perfect sense!

ENDLESS LOVE (Diana Ross and Lionel Ritchie)

My love, there's only you in my life, (I am deeply loved by God, and at that moment His attention was on me as if I was the only one in the world)
The only thing that's right. (My relationship of love and grace to Him IS right, because He made it right)
My first love, you're every breath that I take, (If it had been just me, God’s love would have breathed His life into me)
You're every step I make. (from creation to glory, God has pursued my redemption- every step He took to the cross was for me)
And I, I want to share, all my love with you, (His love is so vast that sharing it flows naturally from His character)
No one else will do. (He had chosen me- and He wants me to be a recipient- I can’t pass it off)
And your eyes, they tell me how much you care. (He can see in my eyes the desire to experience His love)
Oh yes, you will always be, my endless love. (He affirms His pursuit of my heart- I will be His love)

Two hearts, two hearts that beat as one. (He wants to give me the Holy Spirit and the mind of Christ)
Our lives have just begun. (In my new life, He gave me a fresh start- a second chance to try again)
Forever, I'll hold you close in my arms, (He promises to never leave me, but intimately hold me in His strong arms).
I can't resist your charm. (There’s something about me- my faith, his image, Jesus - I’m not sure what- that makes Him love me despite my flaws)
My love, I'll be a fool, for you I'm sure, (NOW HERE’S THE CLENCHER!)
You know I don't mind. (God was saying to me that even if everyone thinks He’s a fool for loving me and I a fool for loving a rebellious son, SO BE IT)
Cause you, you mean the world to me. (I mean all the world to Him, and He’s willing to be thought foolish- dancing over me or dying on a cross- that’s love)
Oh, I know I've found in you, my endless love.

Only a few weeks before this encounter I had watched “The Pacifier” with Vin Diesel. In the movie, Diesel’s character is a tough Navy SEAL who is placed into a home to care for the children of someone with top secret information. There are children of all ages in the house- their father was killed in the line of duty, and their mother needed to help unlock a safe deposit box for the government. Diesel is assigned to protect these kids. To make a long story short, one of the children suffering from the loss of his daddy needs to have someone do the “Peter Panda Dance” that his daddy used to do every night before he can go to sleep. Here’s this trained warrior standing there poised to kill, but doing the “Peter Panda Dance” over this wounded little boy.

It was suddenly clear to me! God was singing over me- listen to Zephaniah 3:17 “Your GOD is present among you, a strong Warrior there to save you. Happy to have you back, he'll calm you with his love and delight you with his songs.” God is this mighty warrior who could smite me for my fears and petty needs, but He delights in me instead! He takes out His tap shoes and shuffles a little “song and dance” to calm and delight me! For that small second, Vin Diesel looked and awful lot like God whose voice sounded an awful lot like Lionel Ritchie!

Okay, so God love me and sings over me- what’s the big deal? Well, Romans 1 is Paul’s expression of delight in the Roman believers. What would be my expression of delight in Bobby? Could I learn to find pleasure in him again? Could I love him enough to be a “fool” for him? I had to find a way!

As I read on, I also discovered a few other things about Paul’s encounter with the Romans. Not only did he delight in them, but he had a real vision for who they were in Christ. He didn’t allow their gentile background to dissuade him in his belief that they had powerful things to offer. He valued them and took time to cast vision for them. He not only saw the ways they could make an impact for the kingdom- Paul intentionally SPOKE that vision to them. It produced yet another bridge of communication that drew these gentile saints into a relationship.

All in all- Paul took the time to truly connect with them- even though he wasn’t with them. I became convicted that I needed to make my relationships- and truly connecting- more of a priority, especially as it related to Bobby!

That night our team of pastors went away to read and process the Connecting book. While we worked through the implications for the book regarding the congregation, my mind raced through all the ways it applied to my home and my relationship with my son. Hope was reborn! I began to believe that I could return to my home and apply this stuff right away.

On Wednesday, after returning from the first of two 24 hour retreats that week, we met with our family friend and counselor- Mark Vandiviere. I shared with him about the book’s impact and about my burden to regain my perspective with regard to my son. Garvisa and I talked this through right there in his office, and all three of us left with a new commitment to delight in Bobby and to see him through God’s lens of Grace.

We had 48 hours to do just that before Bobby’s life ended tragically and accidentally when he used something that was to bigger and stronger than himself in search of the perfect high. Bobby wrestled with God and lost that night 3 weeks ago, and now I imagine he has given up on having the last word. I suspect he’s still playing his favorite road game- “Twenty Questions”. But I know God can handle that, after all, God delights in Bobby so much that He didn’t allow him to struggle any more- he’s home, he’s safe, he’s free. I miss him, but I wouldn’t ask him to return- not for a minute!

The two memorial services were phenomenal. We have been tremendously blessed by the love and support of people all around the world. We are deeply convinced that God placed us at Old Dominion Baptist Church for this time in our lives. We are also enormously blessed by the community of believers associated with Tres Dias. The Body of Christ has rallied around us and held us together during this difficult time. For every card, note, gift, visit, phone call, and expression of love, we are eternally blessed and grateful. I would like to be able to keep you posted as to the progress of the Bobby Stroud Memorial Fund. As you know, these gifts will be used to help build a facility for “Friendship Baptist Church” in Bali, Indonesia. Keep and eye on the site for details regarding our trip to Bali in July 2006.

Online Photo Album (from “Here Comes the Sun” Slide Show

http://www.olddominionbaptist.org/pastorjohn/tribute.htm

Legacy Online Obituary and Guest Book (if you want to sign it, do so before Aug. 24)

http://www.legacy.com/nola/LegacySubPage2.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=14675359

Price Funeral Home Obituary and Guest Book

http://www.webfh.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=60459&fh_id=10136

HEALTH UPDATE

Please be in prayer for me this week. Despite the use of a 24/7 intravenous pump to keep antibiotic flowing in my body, the pseudomonas bacteria has begun to rigorously recolonize. As if I didn’t have enough reason to be tired, the infection produces fatigue, shortness of breath, and fever/sweats. My body just can’t fight this thing. On Wednesday I will meet briefly with my infectious disease doctor to prepare for a Thursday visit with Dr. Jean Kim at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. Pray that she will take note of my case and take on the personal challenge of helping me get completely well; We’re hoping she’ll operate WHILE I’m on the drug so that she can see the current location of the infection and eradicate the source completely.

Thanks for letting me share these random babblings with you. This one in particular has been very therapeutic for me.

Independence Day

2005-07-04T16:22:00.000-04:00

Happy Independence Day!

Once again we're reminded by the calendar that as a nation we were and remain free of the tyranny of kings and other nations. Now that's worth celebrating! We're reminded of the brave men and women who fought to make that freedom possible. What incredible grace is given by those who suffered and died so that we could live the free life we now enjoy!

This day not only makes me thankful that I'm a free American, but it makes me think about my freedom as a child of God. Think about it~ we were created in the image of God to know and enjoy an intimate relationship with God. In our garden glory we were free from guilt, shame and condemnation. Every need that we had was FREELY met as we related to God in purity and love. We were, by design, created for this very purpose. The garden glory and freedom were given away when we were deceived and our hearts were tempted to doubt God's heart for us and the adequacy of His provision. Believing the lie we fell from glory into tyranny.

Cursed by the tyranny of guilt and shame, we became slaves to our neediness and forced to fend for ourselves. The serpent called it independence, but we now know it was actually desolation and isolation instead. Instead of freedom to know an relate to God intimately, we were enslaved to the tyrannical rule of sin.

I am immensely thankful for the ONE who came to fight for and win my freedom. Knowing that I was hopelessly captive, Jesus demonstrated the passion of the Godhead for me by going into battle with the one who lured me into slavery. Dying for sin, He crushed the deadly decree of my guilt and extended to me the free gift of His righteousness. By the power of His Spirit, He wooed me and won me. He entered my life exchanging my cold heart of stone for a tender heart of flesh. Replacing my guilt and shame, He has given me His righteousness. Dead to sin and alive to God in Christ, I am no longer a slave.

Freedom isn't free. It is usually won in battle. My freedom in Christ was won through a sacrificial death- His death- the innocent for the sinner. I am greatly humbled that One such as He would die for one such as me. I give thanks and pledge my life in joyful service to Him. To spend my life in His service is an honor and a joy.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Elliot